True fact: if my father did not remind me that today was the Super Bowl, I would have completely forgotten. Continuing along that vein, I still, at 6:38pm, do not know what two teams are playing. If I had to guess I would say it’s between the Saints and the Packers (mostly because those are the only two teams I know besides the Bears [and somewhat spectacularly, I am aware that the Bears apparently did not do very well this year]).
Some of you may be thinking, “bullshit, you’ve got to know. How could you not?” or “you live in America, but don’t know about the Super Bowl… are you a communist?” The benefit to those statements is that they may actually be true, because thinking up hypothetical sentences for my readers takes up like ten percent of my stock of jokes.
Conversely, you may now be thinking that I will watch the game, but “only for the commercials.” Sorry to disappoint, but I’m not too interested in that either. Admittedly, only because I’ll see the best ones plastered all over YouTube come tomorrow morning.
So, what is it that I’m doing this evening instead of painting my face and yelling at my television? Well, writing this post, to start. But after that I will continue a project I’ve been working on for the better part of the past two days. I won’t tell you what it is though. I’ll drop a hint, instead. It has to do with Sonic the Hedgehog.
For those of you suddenly interested, check back within the next few days and I’ll keep you all updated on my progress. I’m about sixty-six percent complete with the first stage of the project.
I’ll level with you, though. I was originally thinking that I would watch the game just so I could make this post about my personal commentary. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized my commentary would look mostly like this:
Aaaaaand, we’re back, I hope you all enjoyed that Coke commercial that aired for more money than you may ever make in your lifetime. Everyone’s lining up and looking really tense. That’s an easy fix though, they should stop hunching over and just stand up. Or sit down, that AstroTurf stuff seems comfortable. Wait, something’s happening… could it be? Yes, everyone is running in circles, trying to guess where the man with the ball is aiming to throw it instead of just tackling the man with the ball. Okay, he threw it. Someone with the same color jersey caught it. He’s running now. Wait, no. He stopped running. Mostly because someone in a different color jersey viciously hugged his legs. Now everyone’s stopped moving. Probably because of the leg hugging. You can feel the “aaaaaaawkward” emanating from the field.
On second thought… maybe I should have done commentary.