You People with Jobs… Stop it.

That’s right.  Stop having jobs.  That’s what I said.  Everyone quit.

Painting of a Riot
Good. Now that I have your attention...

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I’m not going to advocate rampant, purposeful unemployment as a guise for social and political revolution.  Mainly because finding just the right pitchfork and torch requires at least some money.

Why I’m actually asking you all to stop advancing your careers is simple.  You are intimidating.

Businessman
"Hello, Im--" "AHHHHH!!!"

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I am at a strange cusp in my life.  I’m a few short months away from graduating college, and more importantly, from real life taking a swing at me.  I feel like real life has had its arm cocked well behind its ugly head for the last few years, just waiting to unleash like a laughably avoidable swing in Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out!!

So, when I hear people talking about their jobs, ones that are more impressive than waitress at Ruby Tuesday’s or t-shirt folder at Hollister Co., I freak out a little bit.  Don’t introduce yourself to me as the technician for So-And-So’s downtown location.  Lalalalalalala, I can’t hear you.

It’s not that I’m afraid of finding a job.  In fact, I feel that I may even have some luck at that given my skill, work ethic, and university degree, because those are all important things… hahahahahaha.

Anyway, the problem is, I feel like people who have careers are on a different level than I am.  People who have legitimate job titles are a totally different grade of human.  I am not yet that grade of human.  I still wait in line for the new releases of Pokemon.  Not that I can’t still do that while I have a career, but I think that qualifies the employer to dock my salary.

Some day, I will have a real job and feel less intimidated by the career-having masses.  But right now, you guys are adults with salaries and goals and I still just want to play video games and eat weird food for breakfast.

Anthony Bourdain
Wait, that IS a job??

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